Saturday, September 27, 2008

Dear John McCain

Dear Senator McCain,

I am writing to you to discuss the debate. I am sure you realize the MSM will be falling all over themselves to make Senator Obama the winner. No big thing, anyone could predict that before the first words were uttered, and let's not forget these same "experts" declared Kerry the winner in all the debates against President Bush. I do want you to take heart in the fact the BBC declared tiesies. What that really means is you cleaned Obama's clock.

There are a few things, however, that may be helpful for your next debate. 1. Don't wear a striped tie. It doesn't play well over TV, and it really doesn't play well over video stream which is how many watch these things. 2. Look at Senator Obama when you are speaking to him. Perhaps you thought you might burst out laughing what with his childish ugly faces, but seriously, it makes you look more commanding if you can say "oh please" while staring him down. 3. The Oh Please moment was great. Its what we all thought when Senator Obama's camp said they simply would tell Ahmadinejad he can't have nukes. You need more of those, Obama gives many opportunities for this to happen. 4. You said "Senator Obama doesn't understand...." a lot. Because he doesn't. Let's come up with a few different ways to say this. Try "Once again, Senator Obama is revealing his lack of knowledge".

In general, don't be afraid to call a spade a spade. When Obama had to say "ME TOO! ME TOO!" with the bracelet story, the best response would be "Do you realize you just said I have one too, nanny nanny boo boo? Would you like to stick your tongue out at me now in a grand finale? Presidents of the Greatest Country on Earth cannot look like immature morons, Barry. After this debate I will help you on decorum". When Obama lies his pants off up there, point it out! Say " You were a state senator when the initial Iraq vote came up so it didn't really matter what you thought at that time".

Senator, you were on point and proved that you have a command Senator Obama only dreams about. You rushed in after working on the economic debacle and still came out on top. You wrapped up the debate poignantly while Obama said something about his dead beat dad, which didn't make a lot of sense. Onward and upward!

Your very affordable advisor,