Thursday, October 9, 2008

Debate Part Deux - The Final Chapter

Question 6 (I think) - Health Care is a commodity! How come?

Obama - Good thing you asked that. So, I have a plan. Its big. Blah blah, big big plan full of hope. Not a bad plan like Bush and McCain, their plan is bad. My plan? numbers, figures, numbers, blah blah. Government will save you and do everything. Big, costly plan.

McCain - The government is stinkeroo at stuff, so why the heck should they have health care? I say take this tax credit and go forth and get yourself the plan you want, its a free country so long as Obama doesn't get elected! And forget these stupid don't get health care from that state because you don't live there laws! No! Free market = lower costs! Just say no to socialism!

Obama - Wait! You can't do that! If you do that they will go to lawless states like Delaware! Health Care is a right! Joe Biden Version Constitution says so! We replaced that stupid free speech clause with "Health care for all"! Health care for small business, too! Except the screw 'em sector, not them. Oh, and my mom died of cancer fighting for coverage because it was a pre-existing issue. She was on the phone! She had to call! I couldn't call for her because I was too busy shunning my white family! But I will call for you! By the way, what is a commodity?

Question 7 - How will you lead with peace?

McCain - PEACE THROUGH SUPERIOR FIRE POWER. Because we can kick ass, we keep peace here, there, everywhere. I know, I 've done it. Wait for the right moment, and then BLAMMO, kick some commie butt, result? Peace. Obama? Shoot, he said the surge wouldn't work. Still says that. Because he is dumber than Biden when it comes to such things.

Obama - McCain is right again. I don't understand. I don't like this war, and I want a do over so I can stop it by waving this white flag here. McCain is right that America is great. But we should not be braggarts. We should not point out we are great, we should let other countries have a chance to feel superior, even if that means they might try to shoot us or something. We deserve it. But we should stop genocide in Darfur, because that is just plain evil, killing people because of their race. But putting people in wood chippers is ok. And we shouldn't stop genocide if it will take longer than 10 minutes, or if someone gets hurt or its hard. But from the air - that is ok, because then no one gets dead or anything. Maybe if we stop being so pushy other countries will help and do this. If we give them a puppy and say pretty please they will.

McCain - Obama decoder ring needed again - this time it says you are a Lilly livered cowering coward that wants to surrender instead of fighting like a man. I know how to fight like a man, need experience, not rhetoric. Cool, even experience.

Question 8 - So, you say you want to invade Pakistan?

Obama - BUSH! ROVE! McCAIN! Bush sucks! We are in Iraq and need to get out!

McCain - I love me some Teddy Roosevelt. Speak softly, carry big stick. That guy? Speaks loud and long, little tiny stick if you know what I mean.

Obama - Ok, so we shouldn't invade Pakistan unless we do. McCain says I am inexperienced. Well so what, he sang "Bomb Iran!"

McCain - Its a vet thing, you wouldn't understand.

Obama - Should have killed Osama Bin Laden and there would be instant world wide peace. I will kill him. Just you wait. I am making a transmorgifier in my basement and then I will kill him without really killing him. But there will be peace.

McCain - yeah, you do that. Meanwhile, I am going to go ahead and listen to my friend here, Gen. Patraus.

Question 9 - Oh NOES! RUSSIA! COLD WAR!

McCain - Putin can KMA. I told him before, I'll tell him again.

Obama - ME TOO! He can...what McCain said! Only I said it more! And better! But I must add this - give money to the world - yes, lots of your money to foreigners. Its the only way! That and we must predict when other countries don't like us and situations that might happen - because we need to get the white flag factories all revved up so we can surrender before anything actually starts!

Brokaw - Russia = evil empire?

Obama - they get this channel in Russia? hmmmm....they sort of act kinda bad, sometimes.....

McCain - Once again, we need to drill here. Drill and drill some more. Energy needs to come from America brought to you by Americans. The Ruskies? They know I will send their fur hat wearin' fannies right back to the 18th century if they look at me funny.

Question 10 - Support Israel? Even if we have to take on Iran?

McCain - Let me shake your hand, you are a retired Navy Chief and a hero. I bow down to you, and your great service to this country. It is because of you that I am putting up with Pinocchio over there. You give me strength. Israel is the bomb, no pun intended, and messing with her is messing with me. The UN is craptastic. Need a new organization that has cojones. See above Russia comments - same goes for you Ahmadinejad!

Obama - Don't touch me, Navy Boy. Oh yes - those mullahs are not very nice. Nope, they aren't for hope and change. Won't ever take military option off the table, but we might be in another room discussing the weather and such. But it will be there. If I can find it under this pile of mail...

Question 11 - The Zen End. What the heck don't you know?

Obama - can I phone a friend? Michelle? I really know just about everything, so this is hard to answer. ummm...well....can I ask McCain because if he says something I like, I can just say "McCain is right, but I thought of it first so its really my idea"....ummm...I don't know what it means to be American, but that's pretty much ok because, you know, I am for hope and change, and I'll make sure that everyone knows that being an Obama American means the government, well specifically me, your dear leader, will show you the way.

McCain - Wowzers. Well, to start, I don't know what that yahoo is going to do the first time a crazazy Middle Eastern leader yells BOO! Or what he will do when Putin looks at him with his big hairy eyeballs. Some of the options he has suggested lead me to believe the outcome won't be good at all for us Americans. I know what I would do, and it would be steady as she goes...with a swift kick when necessary. I know what "when necessary" means because I have experience. And my friends aren't terrorists.

The End.